Yeah for Zenning

More stuff gone. Today I filled the entire back of my car with socks, hats, books and bibs for a charity run. Then when John came home we filled it again for a Bookman’s run tomorrow. Yeah for Zenning. Less stuff. Did I mention that I also filled and entire box for Bookman’s today while I was putting other things away?

More Socks

Yes, I am still zenning the house.  This is yesterday’s sock haul from Bookman’s NW. Five pairs of socks for the Flowing Wells School District Clothing Bank. I am really grateful that I can turn my house decluttering into something very useful. I really like the Yoda socks.

Remembering Eric

Sometimes I think I have everything under control with losing Eric.  Then I will do something really stupid like opening up some mail before bed.  See an unexpected donation made in Eric’s name. I really do appreciate people remembering Eric. Making the world a better place because of Eric. That is totally awesome.  Then the waterworks just start.  Then I think about his smiles and hugs.  Then I feel I was so lucky to be his mom, to be apart of his life and world. More tears.  I think I better stop now before I flood Tucson with my tears.

Fantastic

I had a fantastic Zenning day. I went to Bookman’s Mid Town and Bookman’s East today. With today’s trading and some credit when they were out of socks it was just fantastic. I have traded for 17. Ore pairs of socks for the Flowing Wells School District Clothing Bank.  This is a total win for me and the clothing bank.  I have a lot less clutter to worry about putting away or dusting. For the clothing bank it is a very small boost in their supply of socks.  

So a very big thank you to Bookman’s Mid Town And Bookman’s East.

Too Much Tension

It has been a very busy tension filled week. Weeks like this are not kind  to my arthritis.  I find the more tension the worse the arthritis flare up is.  It has really been too much tension for me. We got a lot done which really helps. This being said, I am on day 2 of an awful tension headache. So my game plan for the rest of the day is chores, knitting and working on a new design.

I really want to see how many projects I can get finished today.  Wish me luck.

Exhausted

Tonight I am exhausted. Partly because of an arthritis flare up. Partly because John and I were very busy today with friends and chores.  Even though I was exhausted I managed to get my steps, drink my water and eat right.

I hope you all have a wonderful and productive weekend.

Knitting Books

I have got to really organize my knitting books by subject matter. I spent one and a half hours looking for Domino Knitting by  Vivian Hoxbro, for a class I am teaching tomorrow. I decided to take one more quick look before bed and found the book in the sock knitting section of my library.

This means that I really need help to sorta d organize my books.  I would trade this for duplicate books or hand spun yarn. I think I am down to about 10 feet of shelf space for knitting books.  I am not the best at organizing despite my best intentions.

On the bright side while I was looking for Domino Knitting,I managed to fill two bags with recycling. These things will never have to be dealt with again.  I also manage to get over 9,000 steps today. Then just like that it is almost 11:00 p.m.  so good night.

A New Pattern in Progress

My head is reeling. I have just spent 3 hours translating my knitting notes into a new pattern to be released later this week. Can anyone explain to me why it is so much easier to design and knit the prototype then it is to "just" type up my notes into a usable pattern. If you think the pictures are set in the pattern well all I can do is laugh and say how funny you are. That will take me another few hours. Then a few more to add it to Raverly.

When I started designing patterns nobody said anything about knowing graphic design. Even that your notes should be very copious, even if it does not get put into the pattern. Given all this I still enjoy the process of design. I hope you enjoy my patterns.

I thank Gd for Microsoft word. I can't imagine doing this on an Underwood or even a Selectric typewriter. So a very well earned Thank You to the software engineers at Microsoft.

Now to go figure out how not to lose my pictures in the computer or dinner. Whichever comes first.

Bye Bye

I am saying bye bye to more inches.  In the last 18 months I have lost 4 inches off my rib cage.  I know I am losing inches in other places too, I am just not measuring them.  You can tell by how often I need to buy smaller clothing. The most frustrating part for me is that the scale refuses to budge. I am building more muscle mass.  Muscle also weighs more than fat, but is much more compact.  This means that my exercise plan of house cleaning is working well.

Tomorrow is another busy day so I am calling it an early night.

A Hard Day

It’s been almost two months since we lost Eric. I needed to do Eric paperwork which in it self is not hard, but the emotions will over take me in a snap. I got through about half of what I needed to do.  Then it was time to find smiling pictures of Eric to remember the happier times. Eric had a smile that just lit up the whole room.

After that I went on a small cleaning spree.  I managed to get a lot in the recycling can. I also did 2 loads of laundry.  There seems to be a lot less laundry now. The loads are also smaller.

Before I knew it time had flown. It was time to reheat some stew for dinner. After dinner it was. I needed to figure out how I managed to get 6 eye lashes stuck in one eye. I still don’t know how I did it.  The skin around the eye is still a little tender.  My advice is not to get 6 eyelashes in your eye at one time.

It’s getting late so it’s time to call it a day.

Leaping Lizards

Have you heard the news? I am now showing my hand woven scarfs at the Leaping Lizards Gallery here in Tucson, Arizona. I am just one of many artists in all different mediums.  I would like to extend my personal invitation to you to visit the gallery located at:

Leaping Lizards Gallery
6530 East Tanque Verde Road
Tucson AZ 85715
520-722-1266

Located in the LaPlaza Shoppes

Add caption

Living Near a Fiber Artist

Sometimes I wonder what our neighbors that of me.  Living next door to a fiber artist must be weird at times.  What got me thinking about this is that I have woven 3 scarfs since the beginning of the year.  After I am finished weaving them, I soak them in a hot bath of *Soak Wash* and very hot tap water and rough them up a bit to help set the weave.  After the water cools I rinse the scarf out of the excess dye.  Then it is time for thwacking. To do this I take the soaking wet scarf to the back yard and swing it as hard as I can on to the patio table for a few minutes.  Then it goes into the garage to dry on the line.  The same thing happens to freshly hand spun yarn too.

At other times I have freshly washed fiber drying in the sun. Perhaps blocking mats laying outside when I have to block something. Sometimes it’s a freshly wash quilt hanging on the fence.  On a nice day I might take my spinning wheel out side to spin.  If a fleece has a lot of vegetable matter I might take the carder to the driveway or front porch to card so I don’t have to sweep and vacuum a mess in the house.  I might even sit outside and knit.

I have friends who hang freshly dyed yarn outside to dry.  Even decorate fences with fiber art.  I have friends who dye yarn in their back yards too. I also will dye yarn in the back yard at times.  When I waited for Eric’s bus I used to stand outside and knit scarfs.

Does this make me weird? Does it mean that I just know how to have a lot of fun? That I don’t know when to stop having fun?

* I have been using Soak Wash for a long time.  If your local yarn or lingerie shop does not carry Soak Wash you can get it directly from Soak Wash , Raverly or Amazon. The makers of Soak Wash did not pay for this endorsement. I have not received anything for the mention in the blog.  It is just my favorite wool and lingerie wash.  I always have at least a couple of spare bottles in the laundry room so that I don’t run out.  I also recommend it to wash all of my by hand created fine washables.

A Sneak Peak

Tonight I am giving you a sneak peak of part of the third scarf I am weaving this year. Yes I know it is only January 6th.   My creativity is running on high octane.  I am just trying to keep up. This section is woven with a 3 ply yarn. 1 ply merino and 2 plies of crochet thread. Just look at the lovely pattern it creates.  This scarf was started this afternoon.

New Years Resolutions

Every time I go buy smaller size clothing people are always asking for my “miracle diet tips” everyone wants a fast easy way to lose weight and inches. I would like to say that I am not perfect. I have awful seasonal cravings. I don’t always make my step goal. I also know I just need to brush off the crumbs and resume my healthier lifestyle. It’s not about diets, it’s all about life style changes. I have been working on this gradually since June 2009.  It’s not fast in any way. There are blog post about this too.

So with this disclaimer:  I am not a medical professional. This is what works for me. Always talk to your doctor or other medical professional before making major lifestyle changes.

For me it’s about getting the bad for me stuff out of my life. These include high fructose corn syrup, artificial sugars, 80% of the regular sugars. White potatoes and white rice. I have also eliminated most soda, I had 1 bottle of soda since June 2018.  I had a really sudden and bad migraine and needed to drive across town in a few hours. I am not perfect by any means.  Perfection in lifestyle is an ugly facade.  It’s also about drinking more water or unsweetened teas.

Next it’s about moving your body.  You don’t need to buy an expensive gym membership, unless of course you want to. I got a pedometer and did a two week base line, of 2,500 steps a day. Yes, really. Once that was established I would increase my step goal by no more than 10% when I felt I could handle more exercise. My current goal is 8,080 steps a day.  You can find me walking in circles or figure 8’s around the house if the weather is not ideal or I am having a bad body day.  I also started deep cleaning the house. Small things like emptying the linen closet, deciding what to keep and what to get rid of.  Fold all the keepers and putting them back. Drawer by drawer. Closet by closet.  Until there was less.  I recommend Zenning in 5 minutes a Day.  Then start doing things like sweeping the floors on a regular basis.  Take over the vacuuming.  Do 30 minutes of housework a day.  It might sound really silly, but there is a method to my madness. The more you move and do things the more muscles you will build.  The more muscles you build the more calories your body uses, the more lean mass you build the more inches you will lose.  For more details on this ask your doctor.

Since June 2018 I have been trying to follow the low glycemic diet with 45 grams of carbs for breakfast, lunch and dinner. With snacks only if I am hungry. Again check with your doctor about this. I buy whole grain bread, fresh fruit and vegetables. I try to eat lean meat and eat fish several times a week.

So this is my invitation for you to join me on the slow trip to a thinner you.  The ultimate goal is better health no matter what size you end up at the end of your journey.

A Busy Day

Today was a very busy day.  We went car shopping. We are at the just looking stage. We need a car that will fit a tall and short person plus a spinning wheel in the back without laying it on its side. Also it would be nice if Teri and Tej could fit in the back seat when they came in for a visit. It’s not that big of an ask. We went to 3 different showrooms and just sat in the cars.

Out of the 3 we visited today, we eliminated one brand because they did not offer power seats in any of the models we were looking at. We were told that power seats were a luxury item. In 2020 really? They obviously don’t have arthritis.

 I was really annoyed with one salesman at the beginning because he was so snobby. Did we really belong in that showroom.  I really don’t see the need to dress up on a Saturday to go car shopping. Besides who dresses up to go car shopping anyway? A very rookie mistake by the salesman as far as I am concerned.  The sad part was that they had a nice car with features that we liked.

The other car that we liked had almost everything we wanted and the salesman was great. The car hunting adventures will continue. We still have at least 3 more brands to look at before we start the test drives.

 I also finished weaving the scarf that was on the loom and took it off.  I re warped the loom and started the next scarf and wove 29 inches of it tonight. So tomorrow morning I will tie up the ends of the red scarf , then soak it in hot water and thwack it. Finish weaving the blue and gray scarf and start the last scarf.  I have some really good news about my scarfs for later in the week. Stay tuned.

Hat 1-2020

Another day another hat. This is the first hat of 2020. It is 100% cotton and is already in the bag for my favorite clothing bank.  Yes, the next hat has been started.  I really like how it turned out.

The First

This is the beginning of the 1st hand woven scarf of 2020. I warped it tonight and wove 19 inches. A linen warp and a silk and wool weft.

It’s the Last Hat

This is the last hat that I knit in 2019. It was hat number 80.  I hope you did not think that this was my last hat ever. I have many more hats to knit. There is never a shortage of cold heads in Tucson that need hats.  

Happy 2020

This is the first morning of 2020.  This year I will put a few goals in writing.  They are in no particular order.

1. Teri would like me to read 100 books this year.  A more realistic goal is 12.  So I will strive to read 12 books and any extra books read is a bonus for Teri and Bookman’s.

2.  I will try to finish 100 craft projects this year.  With a minimum of 5 dozen hats, to be knit over the summer.

3. I will try to publish 4 patterns this year. I hope that this is not too ambitious for me.

4. I will try to enjoy my retirement and get out more.

I could add more, but this is all that I am willing to commit to this year. I have not set goals since so last century. This list is doable if nothing major happens this year.

Today in Tucson

A picture of the Santa Catalina Mountains this morning.  Yes that is snow in Tucson. Close enough to enjoy. Far away enough so that we did not have to shovel it.

Star Wars

Let me just say you have to go see the new Star Wars movie.. It was so good I had to tink my knitting twice. All I was doing was knitting a hat. You all know that I can knit hats in my sleep, but not during this movie.

Also when tinking in a movie, don’t tink during dark moments in the film.  Can we say dropped stitches.  Yes I am addicted to knitting.

Today

I would like to wish everyone a Happy Holiday Season.  Since there are about 20 different holidays world wide between Thanksgiving in the United States and the end of January, I choose to make this a general greeting. So again Have a Happy Holiday Season.

Since we don’t celebrate Christmas, we spent the day cleaning and made remarkable progress.  Since everything was closed today charity runs will begin again tomorrow.

The one low spot of the day is that our newer Roomba is dying. It fell in to the hand wash sink a few weeks ago.  Just the electronics fell in.  It just does not pick up like it use to.  John had to use the upright vacuum. I guess I will have to research this, unless anyone has a fix for this.   By the way the sweater that I was washing at the time is fine.  I see a new Roomba in our future.

Family Time

I am really enjoying some much needed family time.  This first holiday season without Eric is a lot rougher than I thought it would be and I knew it was going to be very hard.  To alleviate some of the stress I have been cleaning and purging stuff.  I also have some extra help which is nice.  I see a few Bookman’s and Goodwill runs in our future.

I have also been working on the blanket pattern that got sidelined when Eric went into hospice. I am almost done knitting the “wings”. Then just 4 corner blocks and the crochet edging.  Figuring out the yardage. Pictures and typing up the pattern.

Since I did not sleep well last night, I am going to bed early.

The Impossible Dream

I have created the impossible dream.  I have zenned enough to make the guest room closet suitable for hanging clothes again.  Gone is the Fiber McGee closet*.  I swear that this is a true fact,  just ask Teri and John. I also have made 3 drawers, yes you read that right. Three drawers available for company after we pull the guest bed linen out of 2 of the drawers. I personally think that Teri and John never thought that this would happen.  

Yes I do find it very hard to get to this level of cleaning.  I made a personal vow to myself that I would never leave 60 year old boxes to be empty by someone else, unless of course it is a time capsule. So I challenged myself on a regular basis to let go of a few more things.  This process was compounded by the loss of Eric and moving faster than I like to go.  Progress is hard and painful at times.  A less cluttered house is better.

Progress must be made.  Always move forward and never backwards. If I look back too much all I will do is cry.


* For the younger set, Fibber McGee and Molly was an old time radio show.  Fibber McGee was know to have a closet’s so full that when a door was open things came tumbling out.  I really doubt that the millennial’s in my readership would understand because they move so often. The less things that they have the easier that the moves are.   If you can find an old recording it is well worth making the time to listen. I always found it fun to listen to.  Maybe some lager media company will bring them back.

The Transformation

Just yesterday night I was finishing up 9 dog pillows for the shelter which John dropped off for me today. Just 24 hours later the room has been transformed to a guest bedroom. I put away the sewing machine and supplies.  Put up the fold down tables. Then vacuumed. I forgot to dust or make the bed, I am sure my helpers can help with that.  After company leaves I might go through the books and thin them out a bit too.  I see more Bookman’s runs in my future.

Dog Pillows

I finished the 9 dog pillows for left over fabric. I sure hope that the dogs like Mickey Mouse. They are going to the shelter tomorrow.

Then I cleaned up the craft room. All I have left to do is vacuum. Lower the Murphy bed and make it.  Then the guest room will be ready.

Still Sick

I am still home sick. I am a little less tired, but the arthritis kicked in with vengeance today, so it was another slow day. I rested most of the day again.

I did manage to fill 9 dog pillows and they are awaiting their final seam. Maybe in the effort to declutter John will take them to the shelter for me. Unfortunately I still have more dog pillow stuffing. I really thought that 3/4 of a bolt of fabric was going to be enough with one or two left over. No such luck.  So after the holidays I will make the next batch of pillows. It is company season so I want to wrap things up by tomorrow. The craft room must become the guest room.

Is am working on a new blanket pattern.  I wonder if I can get the knitting, pictures and pattern done by Christmas? Will my hand hold up under the stress? Please join me in saying how much you hate arthritis too.

Well it’s time to call it a night.

Still Sick

I am still under the weather,  but I had slightly more energy than yesterday. So easy laundry got done. More things were moved out of Eric’s room. A few shelves have been finished. This is day 2 of the cold and I am so done with it. I hope that I wake up tomorrow feeling 100%

Under the Weather

Today I was under the weather in more than 1 way. At 7:30 am it was a balmy 32 degrees Fahrenheit. Not a good start to the day. I also don’t know if I have the virus Du jour or a  sjorgren’s syndrome flare up. I spent the day huddled under a blanket still freezing and sleeping most of the day. I ventured out only to get the mail. There was a thief roaming the neighborhood going after mail and packages. I found this out thanks to ring  It’s time to call it a night and hope that I feel better tomorrow.

Ethics

As I am cleaning out Eric’s old room, I find it simply astonishing what the people who cared for Eric thought that they had a right to. Examples included books signed by the authors that Eric had meet over the course of his life, thank goodness they left me a few to remember the good times.  Most of the Shalom Sesame Street  and Barney learns Hebrew DVDs were gone, I don’t recall ever having a Jewish aide.

Things that did not surprise me were the DVDs and books in Spanish. There was a period in time when it was impossible to get aides that spoke English. This was long before the google fish translation program.  So I always had the Spanish - English dictionary or Teri on hand. My Spanish did get better during that period.

Other random things that were taken included solar lights. They filed the box with rocks. Silverware. Eric’s diapers and medicine. Money from my purse, I never thought that I would need to hide my own purse in my own home. Used makeup, I can’t make this one up.  Liquid soap to wash hands with.  I am sure laundry detergent walked too.  I am sure that there were things that were nailed down that were also taken.

If you think it was all the aides, you don’t know the system well enough.  There was the special education teacher who stole the silverware we sent from home if we sent it matched sets, including Eric’s favorite Elmo set that he wheeled his chair with intention to and grabbed it, I had to buy it.  The same teacher gave away my buttons that Eric used for sorting so the art teacher could do a puppet project with the school. She obviously did not like sorting buttons with Eric, By the way this was part of his individual education plan.  As I recall she also stole all of the adaptive equipment that I made for Eric, so she could use it with her foster kids and at her next school. Is it any wonder that Eric faked seizures to get out of her class room. Another teachers aide used to give away Eric’s bibs. I think she was also the one who let Eric get soaked while she used his rain poncho. Can we say pneumonia for Eric?

I just wonder why these people think that when working with a sick child that they are entitled to anything they want of his.  I really don’t know how they can teach their children to lead an ethical life style if they themselves are so casual about stealing.  John and I taught the kids to lead an ethical lifestyle. You can almost never go wrong by being ethical.

OK, enough of my rant on ethics. Just lead an ethical lifestyle.

The Word of the Day is Zenning

As more stuff leaves the house, the house seems bigger to me.  Yes, the house is the same size, but there is less clutter.  We are now entering the less is more stage of our lives.  I am sure that this will bring great joy to Teri too.

I have found stores of odd things like toilet paper buried deep in the back of a cabinet behind swim towels. This was my before breakfast Zenning project.  I now have a bag of old but still usable towels that will make its way to the animal shelter.  I found 3/4 of a bolt of fabric for Eric projects that has been cut into dog pillows size pieces. Now to find the black thread and start making pillows. I think I have enough scraps for at least 6. After 6 I will have to go buy more poly fill.  I wonder if I can fill the whole center section of the van with pillows?

I have the next Bookman’s run ready to go.  I also have the next bag for Goodwill ready.  I think I need more large trash bags too.    I have a huge pile of books to go to Flowing Wells School District. The bibs are next.  That will make 1 whole shelf available for John.  I have a hard time reaching it unless I am in high heels.  I wonder why I waited so long to do this shelf.  No, not really.

Once I am through with this round of Zenning,I will start the major reorganization of the house. I will also get my hat patterns written.  Wish me luck.

Pure Joy

Today as I gave 2 of Eric’s Elmo’s to a friend’s grandson I experienced the first pure joyous moment since Eric passed. Ivan had the same pure joy on his face as Eric had when he received them. Ivan was a little afraid that I was going to take them back to Eric, it’s just something that 2 year old’s are not meant to understand. I told Ivan that his job was to hug the Elmo’s and take good care of them for Eric. He then hugged the Elmo’s as I left.

Ivan I know you are much to young to understand what you did for me today.  I hope that some day your mom will show you this.

Thank you so very much Ivan.

A Good Day - Kinda of - Also A Rant

I have made some personal progress. I don’t cry every time someone mentions Eric’s name. I am, however, beginning to get annoyed at people who give their condolences in one breath and the very next breath go into a diatribe on everyone that they have lost over their life time and want me to console them. Tell them how sorry that I am for their loss.   Expletive deleted, it has not been a month yet. How in the expletive deleted am I suppose to deal with these people. Is this supposed to make me feel better? Is this just because for some odd reason the nutters find me? Have they not read Miss Manners or Emily Posts chapter on the subject?

Just in case you failed to read either section on manners when giving condolences it is not OK to say you are sorry that I lost my only son and then go on to say my grief is not real or important. If I am not important enough to you to make a little positive comment about Eric, then don’t say anything at all.  There is a time and a place for everything. I know I feel very frayed right now. The fabric of my life has a huge hole in it that can not be mended. I have to find a way to reinforce the fabric without losing the essence of Eric. I just need people to be kind to me or ignore me. Trying to make me sit or stand through xx years of your losses is abusive.

I really try to be kind and caring. Right now I have no reserves left. I am exhausted and know that this is normal. It is a good night when I can sleep through the night. It is a good day when I can get some laundry done or do some errands with out needing a long nap afterwords.  I have a new normal to deal with. Please be patient, this is a difficult part of my journey in life. I don’t know when or if I will ever be my old self again or if it’s time to reinvent myself.

I did promise a bit of good day. So here it is.  Three loads of laundry got done. I delivered 29 pairs of socks from this weeks Zenning to Flowing Wells School District Clothing Bank along with a bag from Barbara.  I did the dishes in the sink before I left for the day. I even folded laundry. So it was a good day.

Fantastic Zenning

Today was a fantastic Zenning day.  I now have enough in trade credits at Bookman’s to get 2 dozen more pairs of socks for my favorite charity project. Which is fantastic because they need more socks from little kids feet to high school size feet. My Zenning is on a roll.  I did not get much else done today. Unless you count a thee hour nap.  As you know I find the actual act of Zenning exhausting. It’s 9:30 and I am ready to call it a night.

Please consider sending a gift card to the Flowing Wells School District so the staff can fill in what is needed in the clothing bank. Target and Walmart gift cards work out well. Please include a note saying what you want the donation to go to.

Please mail to:
Flowing Wells Schools
Iola Frans Administration Center
Attention Superintendents Office
1556 West Prince Road
Tucson Az 85705-3087

Thank you in advance.

Sheri.

A Failure

Today I did something I rarely do.  I did a holiday craft show.  It was abysmal at best.  The best sellers were teething wash cloths, stitch markers and key rings at fifty cents each.   I was told that this was a high end show. So I spent the week weaving 2 scarfs and making 2 dozen pairs of earrings. The highest priced item to sell was one of John’s spinners, still under $10.00.  I did not even break even.  Please remind of this if I am thinking about doing a show in the future.

A Score

John and I went to Bookman’s today. We traded some of my Zenning  to replace 3 coffee cups that were stolen a while back. This was a hard to find item because they were from my first set of dishes I ever bought way back in the late 1970’s and were removed from the Cornelle line in the mid 1990’s.  I had given up ever replacing them.

We also scored 5 pairs of socks for the clothing bank.  Before bed tonight I refilled the Bookman’s bag.  Truth be told I only zenned for 5 minutes today. I am totally exhausted. My arthritis has kicked in with vengeance like I have not seen in a while. So a 2 1/2 hour nap instead of knitting was needed. I am also going to turn in early tonight. Tomorrow is going to be better.

A Little of This and A Little of That

Today I was all over the place in terms of getting things done.  This morning before lunch I wove about 25 inches more on the scarf I started a few day ago.  I did 4 very small loads of laundry, John and I don’t make much.  I think Eric’s washing machine is missing him.  Yes, we bought it, but Eric claimed it as his own.

Then it was off to knitting.  To help my student start her next block.  A nice lady with questions on a hat.  She did come to the right person. I also got to show a knit front, knit back, knit front in the same stitch for a bobble ( kfbf ). It’s not a stitch that I like but can demonstrate it as necessary.  I am also working on the pattern for 4 of 3 a shawl study.

John took me out for dinner and then we came home. I spent 20 minutes in Eric’s room and filled a bag for Bookman’s and another for Goodwill.  After all that I was to tired to knit or weave tonight.  Well it is almost tomorrow so it’s time to say goodnight.

Errands

Today I got out of the house for some errands. I managed to get to the library to return the equipment on loan from the Library of Congress, Services for the blind and disabled. The librarian knew he was supposed to take them back, but had to research were to send them.  He was really nice.

Then it was off to the Flowing Wells School District main office to drop off the hand knit hats, socks and a few school supplies.  They were very happy to receive everything. All 3 bags full.

Then off to drive across town to drop off a check and check out a venue.  I think the event will be inside.  That’s great because it’s supposed to rain on Sunday. Then I went shopping and headed home. A 9 hour work day left me exhausted. Did I mention that I started making earrings and stitch markers at 6 am and forgot to eat breakfast because I was so busy.

After dinner I got in some weaving time on the new scarf. I even managed to empty a shuttle.  I am almost at the splash of red part.

It’s 10:30 pm and I am so tired that my body is saying go to sleep. I really don’t know how I managed such long hours with Eric. I guess I am a mere mortal now.

In A Rut

I have to admit that I am still having a rough patch right now. Although going away for the Thanksgiving weekend to hang out with Teri and Tej helped a lot. I loved their new couch.  As soon as I sat down I was sleeping. I am sure I needed the sleep as the general comments were that family members have not seen me sleep so much in years.

I am still trying to deep clean the house 5 minutes at a time. I need to do another Bookman’s run. I have a whole lot of errands and all the time in the world, but none of the energy. People tell me that this will take time.

I did get the loom warped tonight..my only plan for the design is to use up the yarn currently on the shuttle’s. I got a little over 3 inches woven tonight. I also got the bead out to make some earrings.

The Enchanted Couch

I have found an enchanted couch. It is fabulous.  I just sit on it and wake up 2 hours later fully refreshed. I tried it twice today. All I can say is that I love it.  Do to my love of the enchanted couch I will not disclose its location.  I don’t want to share it..I don’t want to have to wait in line for it.  The couch is calling to me again and I must go..

A Bathroom Makeover

Eric had chosen the shower  curtains and towels for his bathroom. John and I decided it needed a makeover. So today I found the time and energy to go shopping for a new shower curtain and accessories. I started at Bed, Bath and Beyond.  Even though they had a huge selection, nothing appealed to me. So I went to Kohl’s and found the perfect shower curtains and accessories. I was very lucky that every thing I wanted was on sale. So the bathroom redo including towels is less than $80.00. I might try to find a second bath towel later to complete the set. So when John has time he will hang up the curtains, because no one around here wants me on a ladder hanging things up. John is lucky that he can stand on the floor to hang shower curtains. Then I will do the rest and post pictures.

Speaking of tall people.  Have you ever noticed that your designated top person leaves the house just moments before you need something from the high shelf. Sometimes the grabbers are just not the right thing for the job.  

More Zenning or Walking

After dinner I got the brilliant idea that because I needed about 1,200 more step to reach my step goal, I should clean out Eric’s 3 travel bags.  Which lead to a full trash can, 3 bags for Goodwill, more things for Taglit and a small pile of towels for the humane society.  Did I mention the 6th load of laundry for the day? This left me emotionally exhausted, but I did reach my step goal for the day.

I wonder if I can fill one more bag for Goodwill before I drive all over Tucson dropping things off.  I am not sure where the day went, but I should try to get to sleep before to comes in 7 minutes.

The Vulture

I am going to start off by saying that since Eric’s passing we as a family have gotten a huge out pouring of kindness from around the world. To this I am very grateful for everyone taking time out of their busy lives to send a note, give hugs and bringing over food and flowers. I also want to take the time to give a special thanks to those who helped us through the first hours of grief with your visits. I just don’t have the proper words to express how grateful we feel as a family. You are the people who will be shocked by this blog post...

I got a call yesterday and this is boiled down to the basics, not word for word.  You will understand the title of the blog after you read this..I want to Reiterate to those mentioned above that this does not apply to you. The call went something like this as I remember it.

Hi, I am the Vulture ( I can’t remember  her name), I heard your son died. My partners and I want to buy your house. How soon can you be out.

I replied that the house was not for sale.

Really how soon can you be out of the house.  Sorry for the noise I am feeding my dogs.   When are you moving?

I replied not for another 20 or 30 years.

All right I will call back then.

No where in the call did she give the name of the company that she was associated with. Not once did she mention the broker who supervised her.  At no time did she say I am sorry for your loss.  She was single minded in her goal to get us out of the house just 9 days after Eric passed.

This just brings out the angry mom in me.  I have her telephone number and can track her down and find out where she works and let their corporate office know that this is unacceptable behavior.. Then to work with the governors off to make sure other grieving members don’t have to deal with these calls.

Most of all I would like to wish her karma.

A Pleasant Weekend

My younger brother and his wife came out to visit us this weekend. It has been a very nice visit. A little eating,whom am I kidding a lot of eating. Some nice walks. Also some shopping. A visit with the Konecky’s and Mary Gavin. We also picked out gifts for my nieces, they are both great girls so how could I not want to spoil them.

The house is still too quiet. I also did exactly 5 minutes of Zenning.  The old 5 minute rule is great. You would be surprised if you really try.

Eric’s Bed

Most people who have been to Eric’s room or saw pictures of his room since he was 12 always saw a bright cheery room. His bed was always decorated in bright cheery colors.  The guard rails were padded and covered with custom made covers, 5 different sets in all.  There were almost always a few stuffed friends scattered on the bed, except when Eyrpy.   I did this for everyone.  Like it or not hospital beds always look drab. They are designed for easy cleaning and easy of use.  Not for years of home use. That is why I need to show you what his bed looked liked before I went wild at Joann’s Fabrics. No one should have to live with such a drab bed.  Always add as much cheer to all rooms of your homes.

Today the bed left the hose to go to its next job.   I am happy to see the bed go.  It will be going to a family who can not afford to spend money on a bed ,but need one.  

Small steps =  big changes. Yes, I am catching up on laundry. It seems really weird to have to wait a week to have enough laundry to do a load.  I guess that I will be buying less tide.

Why Knitter are Great Friends

Today was spent with a lot of my knitting buddies.  We cried together. I got a lot of healing hugs. We laughed together. We remembered Eric together. We even knit together, although truth be told I personally did not get a lot of knitting done. I was given yarn to help in the healing process.   I mostly tried to be in the moment and take in all the healing energy that surrounded me. Yes, I was very distracted.  I did finish knitting a shawlette that still needs to be blocked.

I also managed to get 2 loads of laundry finished. Read a huge stack of condolence cards. I also need to write thank you notes.  I have started the next bag for Goodwill. When it is full I plan to store it in the van to get it out of the house. Also I will not have to take out a lot of full bags later.   There is so much to do that it seems a bit overwhelming.  I just have to remember that I don’t need to do 3 or 4 things at once now. I just need to do one thing at a time and stay in the moment.

Below is a picture of the shawlette before blocking.  Yes, it was knit with my own hand spun yarn.

Changes

Life after we said goodbye to Eric have been strange and at times overwhelming.  Today would have been Eric’s  birthday.  We would normally wake up early and wake him up with the birthday guy singing happy birthday and then start the day. We would play the birthday song as much as possible during the day and the last time at bedtime.  Today John and I knew we had to play the birthday song.  I finally got the courage about 8:00pm.  We played the song for Eric and cried.

Going out to eat is different too.  We do not have to decide what to eat before we get to the restaurant.   Then order as soon as we sit down. We can actually look at the menu and possibly try something different. There have been times when we look at each other thinking that we have to hurry up and eat so we can take over Eric care.  Then it dawns on us that Eric has said his final goodbye to us.  We take a deep breath and comment on how strange this all is.  Then relax a bit.

Another time I  remembered how I used to knit scarfs while sitting on a rock at the end of the driveway.  Thinking about how much Eric loved to ride the bus with Don, the bus driver. That memory left me smiling for hours.

Also I  don’t know how I managed it but I kept to my eating plan while Eric was in hospice. I managed to exercise and eat right.  Now I am down another size.  I will have a lot of clothing going to Goodwill. I do not have any pants in the next size down and will need to go  shopping.  Thank goodness I have the technology for that. I just need a good body day.

My need to create is slowly coming back. I have a hand knit shawl with hand spun yarn almost finished. I also have a scarf on the loom, that is also halfway done. I hope to work down my back log.

I could have not done any of this without you and you support. So a huge thank you.

Goodbye

 On Friday we said goodbye to our much loved son and brother, Eric. Eric was diagnosed with ML4 at a very young age, but we never let a diagnosis define our son or our family.  Instead we choose to teach Eric and his older sister Teri to embrace life and live it to the fullest.

Living life to the fullest for us meant exploring and enjoying the world, no matter what. And it meant finding things we all could enjoy as a family. It meant exploring museums where Eric could roll around freely without limits. And while he couldn’t always make out the details, Eric always loved being surrounded by the rich colors and sounds.

It meant family trips to Disneyland where Eric loved celebrating his Birthday. Eric loved birthdays so much. But above all else, at Disneyland we could be like any other family and enjoy the rides and deserts together.  Eric especially loved the rides where he could roll right on in his wheelchair. 

Eric also loved food, particularly pancakes.  Eric and his grandpa Al loved going to IHOP for their pancakes.  Grandpa Al would hand us his cane and take charge of Eric’s wheelchair so that they could get the perfect pancake table.

Eric’s favorite place by far though was in the pool, particularly the Hilton hotel in Phoenix because of the pancakes and the lazy river. In the pool Eric could move freely. The warm water always felt good to him, and he always disliked getting out. Actually that was true for both of our children, and John and I had quite the job wrangling both kids unhappily out of the pool. 

However, as hard as we tried, over the years Eric’s world became smaller, and he lost the ability to do more and more things. But he never lost his incredible smile or his innate ability to make the other around him feel better. He even collected tabs for Ronald McDonald house to help out other kids who were sick. We will continue to collect tabs in his memory because he had not yet reached his goal of collecting a million tabs. Tabs can also be dropped off at 2155 East Allen Road in Eric's name. And he was always there for his friends to hold their hands and help them.

Eric was an incredible son and brother, and we all feel so lucky to have had him in our lives. 

If you would like to do something in Eric’s memory, we ask that you consider donating to the ML4 Foundation, the Taglit Special Needs Program at the Tucson JCC or the Ronald MacDonald House. If you can’t donate, please consider just doing something nice for someone else.

A Good Day

This is a good day to get the walkway repaired.  We probably should have done it sooner, but it will be finished today, hopefully.

Filing My Circular Knitting Neddles

This was the mess that had to be filed by size this morning.  Yes, this is the pile of knitting needles that I have used since Teri’s last visit.  I usually drop them in the front of the drawer or on top of the filing box.  I am usually so interested in starting the next knitting project that I don’t always fully put everything back in place.  The job took less than 20 minutes and will not have to be done any time soon.

All my current projects are in bags with patterns, knitting needles, yarn and the kitchen sink.  I wonder if John can 3D print small kitchen sinks?  Just a little more sorting and a few things left to put away.  Then it will be dust, polish and vacuum time.  Then my craft room will become our guest room.