Today in Tucson

A picture of the Santa Catalina Mountains this morning.  Yes that is snow in Tucson. Close enough to enjoy. Far away enough so that we did not have to shovel it.

Star Wars

Let me just say you have to go see the new Star Wars movie.. It was so good I had to tink my knitting twice. All I was doing was knitting a hat. You all know that I can knit hats in my sleep, but not during this movie.

Also when tinking in a movie, don’t tink during dark moments in the film.  Can we say dropped stitches.  Yes I am addicted to knitting.

Today

I would like to wish everyone a Happy Holiday Season.  Since there are about 20 different holidays world wide between Thanksgiving in the United States and the end of January, I choose to make this a general greeting. So again Have a Happy Holiday Season.

Since we don’t celebrate Christmas, we spent the day cleaning and made remarkable progress.  Since everything was closed today charity runs will begin again tomorrow.

The one low spot of the day is that our newer Roomba is dying. It fell in to the hand wash sink a few weeks ago.  Just the electronics fell in.  It just does not pick up like it use to.  John had to use the upright vacuum. I guess I will have to research this, unless anyone has a fix for this.   By the way the sweater that I was washing at the time is fine.  I see a new Roomba in our future.

Family Time

I am really enjoying some much needed family time.  This first holiday season without Eric is a lot rougher than I thought it would be and I knew it was going to be very hard.  To alleviate some of the stress I have been cleaning and purging stuff.  I also have some extra help which is nice.  I see a few Bookman’s and Goodwill runs in our future.

I have also been working on the blanket pattern that got sidelined when Eric went into hospice. I am almost done knitting the “wings”. Then just 4 corner blocks and the crochet edging.  Figuring out the yardage. Pictures and typing up the pattern.

Since I did not sleep well last night, I am going to bed early.

The Impossible Dream

I have created the impossible dream.  I have zenned enough to make the guest room closet suitable for hanging clothes again.  Gone is the Fiber McGee closet*.  I swear that this is a true fact,  just ask Teri and John. I also have made 3 drawers, yes you read that right. Three drawers available for company after we pull the guest bed linen out of 2 of the drawers. I personally think that Teri and John never thought that this would happen.  

Yes I do find it very hard to get to this level of cleaning.  I made a personal vow to myself that I would never leave 60 year old boxes to be empty by someone else, unless of course it is a time capsule. So I challenged myself on a regular basis to let go of a few more things.  This process was compounded by the loss of Eric and moving faster than I like to go.  Progress is hard and painful at times.  A less cluttered house is better.

Progress must be made.  Always move forward and never backwards. If I look back too much all I will do is cry.


* For the younger set, Fibber McGee and Molly was an old time radio show.  Fibber McGee was know to have a closet’s so full that when a door was open things came tumbling out.  I really doubt that the millennial’s in my readership would understand because they move so often. The less things that they have the easier that the moves are.   If you can find an old recording it is well worth making the time to listen. I always found it fun to listen to.  Maybe some lager media company will bring them back.

The Transformation

Just yesterday night I was finishing up 9 dog pillows for the shelter which John dropped off for me today. Just 24 hours later the room has been transformed to a guest bedroom. I put away the sewing machine and supplies.  Put up the fold down tables. Then vacuumed. I forgot to dust or make the bed, I am sure my helpers can help with that.  After company leaves I might go through the books and thin them out a bit too.  I see more Bookman’s runs in my future.

Dog Pillows

I finished the 9 dog pillows for left over fabric. I sure hope that the dogs like Mickey Mouse. They are going to the shelter tomorrow.

Then I cleaned up the craft room. All I have left to do is vacuum. Lower the Murphy bed and make it.  Then the guest room will be ready.

Still Sick

I am still home sick. I am a little less tired, but the arthritis kicked in with vengeance today, so it was another slow day. I rested most of the day again.

I did manage to fill 9 dog pillows and they are awaiting their final seam. Maybe in the effort to declutter John will take them to the shelter for me. Unfortunately I still have more dog pillow stuffing. I really thought that 3/4 of a bolt of fabric was going to be enough with one or two left over. No such luck.  So after the holidays I will make the next batch of pillows. It is company season so I want to wrap things up by tomorrow. The craft room must become the guest room.

Is am working on a new blanket pattern.  I wonder if I can get the knitting, pictures and pattern done by Christmas? Will my hand hold up under the stress? Please join me in saying how much you hate arthritis too.

Well it’s time to call it a night.

Still Sick

I am still under the weather,  but I had slightly more energy than yesterday. So easy laundry got done. More things were moved out of Eric’s room. A few shelves have been finished. This is day 2 of the cold and I am so done with it. I hope that I wake up tomorrow feeling 100%

Under the Weather

Today I was under the weather in more than 1 way. At 7:30 am it was a balmy 32 degrees Fahrenheit. Not a good start to the day. I also don’t know if I have the virus Du jour or a  sjorgren’s syndrome flare up. I spent the day huddled under a blanket still freezing and sleeping most of the day. I ventured out only to get the mail. There was a thief roaming the neighborhood going after mail and packages. I found this out thanks to ring  It’s time to call it a night and hope that I feel better tomorrow.

Ethics

As I am cleaning out Eric’s old room, I find it simply astonishing what the people who cared for Eric thought that they had a right to. Examples included books signed by the authors that Eric had meet over the course of his life, thank goodness they left me a few to remember the good times.  Most of the Shalom Sesame Street  and Barney learns Hebrew DVDs were gone, I don’t recall ever having a Jewish aide.

Things that did not surprise me were the DVDs and books in Spanish. There was a period in time when it was impossible to get aides that spoke English. This was long before the google fish translation program.  So I always had the Spanish - English dictionary or Teri on hand. My Spanish did get better during that period.

Other random things that were taken included solar lights. They filed the box with rocks. Silverware. Eric’s diapers and medicine. Money from my purse, I never thought that I would need to hide my own purse in my own home. Used makeup, I can’t make this one up.  Liquid soap to wash hands with.  I am sure laundry detergent walked too.  I am sure that there were things that were nailed down that were also taken.

If you think it was all the aides, you don’t know the system well enough.  There was the special education teacher who stole the silverware we sent from home if we sent it matched sets, including Eric’s favorite Elmo set that he wheeled his chair with intention to and grabbed it, I had to buy it.  The same teacher gave away my buttons that Eric used for sorting so the art teacher could do a puppet project with the school. She obviously did not like sorting buttons with Eric, By the way this was part of his individual education plan.  As I recall she also stole all of the adaptive equipment that I made for Eric, so she could use it with her foster kids and at her next school. Is it any wonder that Eric faked seizures to get out of her class room. Another teachers aide used to give away Eric’s bibs. I think she was also the one who let Eric get soaked while she used his rain poncho. Can we say pneumonia for Eric?

I just wonder why these people think that when working with a sick child that they are entitled to anything they want of his.  I really don’t know how they can teach their children to lead an ethical life style if they themselves are so casual about stealing.  John and I taught the kids to lead an ethical lifestyle. You can almost never go wrong by being ethical.

OK, enough of my rant on ethics. Just lead an ethical lifestyle.

The Word of the Day is Zenning

As more stuff leaves the house, the house seems bigger to me.  Yes, the house is the same size, but there is less clutter.  We are now entering the less is more stage of our lives.  I am sure that this will bring great joy to Teri too.

I have found stores of odd things like toilet paper buried deep in the back of a cabinet behind swim towels. This was my before breakfast Zenning project.  I now have a bag of old but still usable towels that will make its way to the animal shelter.  I found 3/4 of a bolt of fabric for Eric projects that has been cut into dog pillows size pieces. Now to find the black thread and start making pillows. I think I have enough scraps for at least 6. After 6 I will have to go buy more poly fill.  I wonder if I can fill the whole center section of the van with pillows?

I have the next Bookman’s run ready to go.  I also have the next bag for Goodwill ready.  I think I need more large trash bags too.    I have a huge pile of books to go to Flowing Wells School District. The bibs are next.  That will make 1 whole shelf available for John.  I have a hard time reaching it unless I am in high heels.  I wonder why I waited so long to do this shelf.  No, not really.

Once I am through with this round of Zenning,I will start the major reorganization of the house. I will also get my hat patterns written.  Wish me luck.

Pure Joy

Today as I gave 2 of Eric’s Elmo’s to a friend’s grandson I experienced the first pure joyous moment since Eric passed. Ivan had the same pure joy on his face as Eric had when he received them. Ivan was a little afraid that I was going to take them back to Eric, it’s just something that 2 year old’s are not meant to understand. I told Ivan that his job was to hug the Elmo’s and take good care of them for Eric. He then hugged the Elmo’s as I left.

Ivan I know you are much to young to understand what you did for me today.  I hope that some day your mom will show you this.

Thank you so very much Ivan.

A Good Day - Kinda of - Also A Rant

I have made some personal progress. I don’t cry every time someone mentions Eric’s name. I am, however, beginning to get annoyed at people who give their condolences in one breath and the very next breath go into a diatribe on everyone that they have lost over their life time and want me to console them. Tell them how sorry that I am for their loss.   Expletive deleted, it has not been a month yet. How in the expletive deleted am I suppose to deal with these people. Is this supposed to make me feel better? Is this just because for some odd reason the nutters find me? Have they not read Miss Manners or Emily Posts chapter on the subject?

Just in case you failed to read either section on manners when giving condolences it is not OK to say you are sorry that I lost my only son and then go on to say my grief is not real or important. If I am not important enough to you to make a little positive comment about Eric, then don’t say anything at all.  There is a time and a place for everything. I know I feel very frayed right now. The fabric of my life has a huge hole in it that can not be mended. I have to find a way to reinforce the fabric without losing the essence of Eric. I just need people to be kind to me or ignore me. Trying to make me sit or stand through xx years of your losses is abusive.

I really try to be kind and caring. Right now I have no reserves left. I am exhausted and know that this is normal. It is a good night when I can sleep through the night. It is a good day when I can get some laundry done or do some errands with out needing a long nap afterwords.  I have a new normal to deal with. Please be patient, this is a difficult part of my journey in life. I don’t know when or if I will ever be my old self again or if it’s time to reinvent myself.

I did promise a bit of good day. So here it is.  Three loads of laundry got done. I delivered 29 pairs of socks from this weeks Zenning to Flowing Wells School District Clothing Bank along with a bag from Barbara.  I did the dishes in the sink before I left for the day. I even folded laundry. So it was a good day.

Fantastic Zenning

Today was a fantastic Zenning day.  I now have enough in trade credits at Bookman’s to get 2 dozen more pairs of socks for my favorite charity project. Which is fantastic because they need more socks from little kids feet to high school size feet. My Zenning is on a roll.  I did not get much else done today. Unless you count a thee hour nap.  As you know I find the actual act of Zenning exhausting. It’s 9:30 and I am ready to call it a night.

Please consider sending a gift card to the Flowing Wells School District so the staff can fill in what is needed in the clothing bank. Target and Walmart gift cards work out well. Please include a note saying what you want the donation to go to.

Please mail to:
Flowing Wells Schools
Iola Frans Administration Center
Attention Superintendents Office
1556 West Prince Road
Tucson Az 85705-3087

Thank you in advance.

Sheri.

A Failure

Today I did something I rarely do.  I did a holiday craft show.  It was abysmal at best.  The best sellers were teething wash cloths, stitch markers and key rings at fifty cents each.   I was told that this was a high end show. So I spent the week weaving 2 scarfs and making 2 dozen pairs of earrings. The highest priced item to sell was one of John’s spinners, still under $10.00.  I did not even break even.  Please remind of this if I am thinking about doing a show in the future.

A Score

John and I went to Bookman’s today. We traded some of my Zenning  to replace 3 coffee cups that were stolen a while back. This was a hard to find item because they were from my first set of dishes I ever bought way back in the late 1970’s and were removed from the Cornelle line in the mid 1990’s.  I had given up ever replacing them.

We also scored 5 pairs of socks for the clothing bank.  Before bed tonight I refilled the Bookman’s bag.  Truth be told I only zenned for 5 minutes today. I am totally exhausted. My arthritis has kicked in with vengeance like I have not seen in a while. So a 2 1/2 hour nap instead of knitting was needed. I am also going to turn in early tonight. Tomorrow is going to be better.

A Little of This and A Little of That

Today I was all over the place in terms of getting things done.  This morning before lunch I wove about 25 inches more on the scarf I started a few day ago.  I did 4 very small loads of laundry, John and I don’t make much.  I think Eric’s washing machine is missing him.  Yes, we bought it, but Eric claimed it as his own.

Then it was off to knitting.  To help my student start her next block.  A nice lady with questions on a hat.  She did come to the right person. I also got to show a knit front, knit back, knit front in the same stitch for a bobble ( kfbf ). It’s not a stitch that I like but can demonstrate it as necessary.  I am also working on the pattern for 4 of 3 a shawl study.

John took me out for dinner and then we came home. I spent 20 minutes in Eric’s room and filled a bag for Bookman’s and another for Goodwill.  After all that I was to tired to knit or weave tonight.  Well it is almost tomorrow so it’s time to say goodnight.

Errands

Today I got out of the house for some errands. I managed to get to the library to return the equipment on loan from the Library of Congress, Services for the blind and disabled. The librarian knew he was supposed to take them back, but had to research were to send them.  He was really nice.

Then it was off to the Flowing Wells School District main office to drop off the hand knit hats, socks and a few school supplies.  They were very happy to receive everything. All 3 bags full.

Then off to drive across town to drop off a check and check out a venue.  I think the event will be inside.  That’s great because it’s supposed to rain on Sunday. Then I went shopping and headed home. A 9 hour work day left me exhausted. Did I mention that I started making earrings and stitch markers at 6 am and forgot to eat breakfast because I was so busy.

After dinner I got in some weaving time on the new scarf. I even managed to empty a shuttle.  I am almost at the splash of red part.

It’s 10:30 pm and I am so tired that my body is saying go to sleep. I really don’t know how I managed such long hours with Eric. I guess I am a mere mortal now.

In A Rut

I have to admit that I am still having a rough patch right now. Although going away for the Thanksgiving weekend to hang out with Teri and Tej helped a lot. I loved their new couch.  As soon as I sat down I was sleeping. I am sure I needed the sleep as the general comments were that family members have not seen me sleep so much in years.

I am still trying to deep clean the house 5 minutes at a time. I need to do another Bookman’s run. I have a whole lot of errands and all the time in the world, but none of the energy. People tell me that this will take time.

I did get the loom warped tonight..my only plan for the design is to use up the yarn currently on the shuttle’s. I got a little over 3 inches woven tonight. I also got the bead out to make some earrings.