The Vulture

I am going to start off by saying that since Eric’s passing we as a family have gotten a huge out pouring of kindness from around the world. To this I am very grateful for everyone taking time out of their busy lives to send a note, give hugs and bringing over food and flowers. I also want to take the time to give a special thanks to those who helped us through the first hours of grief with your visits. I just don’t have the proper words to express how grateful we feel as a family. You are the people who will be shocked by this blog post...

I got a call yesterday and this is boiled down to the basics, not word for word.  You will understand the title of the blog after you read this..I want to Reiterate to those mentioned above that this does not apply to you. The call went something like this as I remember it.

Hi, I am the Vulture ( I can’t remember  her name), I heard your son died. My partners and I want to buy your house. How soon can you be out.

I replied that the house was not for sale.

Really how soon can you be out of the house.  Sorry for the noise I am feeding my dogs.   When are you moving?

I replied not for another 20 or 30 years.

All right I will call back then.

No where in the call did she give the name of the company that she was associated with. Not once did she mention the broker who supervised her.  At no time did she say I am sorry for your loss.  She was single minded in her goal to get us out of the house just 9 days after Eric passed.

This just brings out the angry mom in me.  I have her telephone number and can track her down and find out where she works and let their corporate office know that this is unacceptable behavior.. Then to work with the governors off to make sure other grieving members don’t have to deal with these calls.

Most of all I would like to wish her karma.

A Pleasant Weekend

My younger brother and his wife came out to visit us this weekend. It has been a very nice visit. A little eating,whom am I kidding a lot of eating. Some nice walks. Also some shopping. A visit with the Konecky’s and Mary Gavin. We also picked out gifts for my nieces, they are both great girls so how could I not want to spoil them.

The house is still too quiet. I also did exactly 5 minutes of Zenning.  The old 5 minute rule is great. You would be surprised if you really try.

Eric’s Bed

Most people who have been to Eric’s room or saw pictures of his room since he was 12 always saw a bright cheery room. His bed was always decorated in bright cheery colors.  The guard rails were padded and covered with custom made covers, 5 different sets in all.  There were almost always a few stuffed friends scattered on the bed, except when Eyrpy.   I did this for everyone.  Like it or not hospital beds always look drab. They are designed for easy cleaning and easy of use.  Not for years of home use. That is why I need to show you what his bed looked liked before I went wild at Joann’s Fabrics. No one should have to live with such a drab bed.  Always add as much cheer to all rooms of your homes.

Today the bed left the hose to go to its next job.   I am happy to see the bed go.  It will be going to a family who can not afford to spend money on a bed ,but need one.  

Small steps =  big changes. Yes, I am catching up on laundry. It seems really weird to have to wait a week to have enough laundry to do a load.  I guess that I will be buying less tide.

Why Knitter are Great Friends

Today was spent with a lot of my knitting buddies.  We cried together. I got a lot of healing hugs. We laughed together. We remembered Eric together. We even knit together, although truth be told I personally did not get a lot of knitting done. I was given yarn to help in the healing process.   I mostly tried to be in the moment and take in all the healing energy that surrounded me. Yes, I was very distracted.  I did finish knitting a shawlette that still needs to be blocked.

I also managed to get 2 loads of laundry finished. Read a huge stack of condolence cards. I also need to write thank you notes.  I have started the next bag for Goodwill. When it is full I plan to store it in the van to get it out of the house. Also I will not have to take out a lot of full bags later.   There is so much to do that it seems a bit overwhelming.  I just have to remember that I don’t need to do 3 or 4 things at once now. I just need to do one thing at a time and stay in the moment.

Below is a picture of the shawlette before blocking.  Yes, it was knit with my own hand spun yarn.

Changes

Life after we said goodbye to Eric have been strange and at times overwhelming.  Today would have been Eric’s  birthday.  We would normally wake up early and wake him up with the birthday guy singing happy birthday and then start the day. We would play the birthday song as much as possible during the day and the last time at bedtime.  Today John and I knew we had to play the birthday song.  I finally got the courage about 8:00pm.  We played the song for Eric and cried.

Going out to eat is different too.  We do not have to decide what to eat before we get to the restaurant.   Then order as soon as we sit down. We can actually look at the menu and possibly try something different. There have been times when we look at each other thinking that we have to hurry up and eat so we can take over Eric care.  Then it dawns on us that Eric has said his final goodbye to us.  We take a deep breath and comment on how strange this all is.  Then relax a bit.

Another time I  remembered how I used to knit scarfs while sitting on a rock at the end of the driveway.  Thinking about how much Eric loved to ride the bus with Don, the bus driver. That memory left me smiling for hours.

Also I  don’t know how I managed it but I kept to my eating plan while Eric was in hospice. I managed to exercise and eat right.  Now I am down another size.  I will have a lot of clothing going to Goodwill. I do not have any pants in the next size down and will need to go  shopping.  Thank goodness I have the technology for that. I just need a good body day.

My need to create is slowly coming back. I have a hand knit shawl with hand spun yarn almost finished. I also have a scarf on the loom, that is also halfway done. I hope to work down my back log.

I could have not done any of this without you and you support. So a huge thank you.

Goodbye

 On Friday we said goodbye to our much loved son and brother, Eric. Eric was diagnosed with ML4 at a very young age, but we never let a diagnosis define our son or our family.  Instead we choose to teach Eric and his older sister Teri to embrace life and live it to the fullest.

Living life to the fullest for us meant exploring and enjoying the world, no matter what. And it meant finding things we all could enjoy as a family. It meant exploring museums where Eric could roll around freely without limits. And while he couldn’t always make out the details, Eric always loved being surrounded by the rich colors and sounds.

It meant family trips to Disneyland where Eric loved celebrating his Birthday. Eric loved birthdays so much. But above all else, at Disneyland we could be like any other family and enjoy the rides and deserts together.  Eric especially loved the rides where he could roll right on in his wheelchair. 

Eric also loved food, particularly pancakes.  Eric and his grandpa Al loved going to IHOP for their pancakes.  Grandpa Al would hand us his cane and take charge of Eric’s wheelchair so that they could get the perfect pancake table.

Eric’s favorite place by far though was in the pool, particularly the Hilton hotel in Phoenix because of the pancakes and the lazy river. In the pool Eric could move freely. The warm water always felt good to him, and he always disliked getting out. Actually that was true for both of our children, and John and I had quite the job wrangling both kids unhappily out of the pool. 

However, as hard as we tried, over the years Eric’s world became smaller, and he lost the ability to do more and more things. But he never lost his incredible smile or his innate ability to make the other around him feel better. He even collected tabs for Ronald McDonald house to help out other kids who were sick. We will continue to collect tabs in his memory because he had not yet reached his goal of collecting a million tabs. Tabs can also be dropped off at 2155 East Allen Road in Eric's name. And he was always there for his friends to hold their hands and help them.

Eric was an incredible son and brother, and we all feel so lucky to have had him in our lives. 

If you would like to do something in Eric’s memory, we ask that you consider donating to the ML4 Foundation, the Taglit Special Needs Program at the Tucson JCC or the Ronald MacDonald House. If you can’t donate, please consider just doing something nice for someone else.

A Good Day

This is a good day to get the walkway repaired.  We probably should have done it sooner, but it will be finished today, hopefully.