A Sad Anniversary

 Today March 10, is the one year anniversary of the last time we ate out.  I have not been in a grocery store for a few days longer.  My much anticipated craft room has turn into storage and a quarantine area.  It is not comfortable to sit in my favorite rocker and knit. I no longer spin in there either. 

All I seem to do is figure out where to order in our supplies from. Clean house. Do laundry. Cook. Knit hats and now blankets.  Yes, I did have a yarn stash built for the proverbial pandemic. I am making small dents in it. Every 2 hats is about 2 skeins gone, I have knit 20 hats so far this year. Now blankets use a lot more yarn between 5 and 10 skeins per blanket.  I am trying to use up bits and pieces so hopefully a bit more yarn is gone.  The shawl I made used about 15 skeins. So I have used about 45 skeins so far this year. It is all going to be delivered to charity sometime this year. My goal is lots of empty boxes and bags of yarn and more boxes and bags of finished knitted items.  

I still feel very useless. As if life said I am making you redundant.  The sense of isolation is getting worse. Even when fully vaccinated I fear we will still be quiet limited in what we can really do. This is not how I planned to spend my retirement. I have not felt this alone and isolated since Eric died.  

So I try to get dressed nicely every day. Although this to is getting harder since I have dropped about 3 dress sizes this year. I am really tired of wearing shifts and skirts that have ties so I can take them in without sewing. My Goodwill box is getting fuller again. I am also slowing down in the speed at which I get things done.  Chores seem to be done in spurts.  

To plan John’s special dinner tonight, it involved shopping at 3 different stores and planning out delivery times. I also had to pray that between the 3 stores I could get everything I needed.  2 stores were out of bananas and tomatoes. I play grocery roulette every week.  Some weeks I am lucky, some weeks not so much. 

I guess this is a very long winded way of saying that I am tired and stressed out by COVID19.  I am tired of seeing people acting dumb.  I need to be around more creative people. I need to chat with friends.  

I know a lot of this sounds positive, but I don’t feel positive about it.  I am not really doing anything worth while. I really need my old life back.