Pure Joy

Today as I gave 2 of Eric’s Elmo’s to a friend’s grandson I experienced the first pure joyous moment since Eric passed. Ivan had the same pure joy on his face as Eric had when he received them. Ivan was a little afraid that I was going to take them back to Eric, it’s just something that 2 year old’s are not meant to understand. I told Ivan that his job was to hug the Elmo’s and take good care of them for Eric. He then hugged the Elmo’s as I left.

Ivan I know you are much to young to understand what you did for me today.  I hope that some day your mom will show you this.

Thank you so very much Ivan.

A Good Day - Kinda of - Also A Rant

I have made some personal progress. I don’t cry every time someone mentions Eric’s name. I am, however, beginning to get annoyed at people who give their condolences in one breath and the very next breath go into a diatribe on everyone that they have lost over their life time and want me to console them. Tell them how sorry that I am for their loss.   Expletive deleted, it has not been a month yet. How in the expletive deleted am I suppose to deal with these people. Is this supposed to make me feel better? Is this just because for some odd reason the nutters find me? Have they not read Miss Manners or Emily Posts chapter on the subject?

Just in case you failed to read either section on manners when giving condolences it is not OK to say you are sorry that I lost my only son and then go on to say my grief is not real or important. If I am not important enough to you to make a little positive comment about Eric, then don’t say anything at all.  There is a time and a place for everything. I know I feel very frayed right now. The fabric of my life has a huge hole in it that can not be mended. I have to find a way to reinforce the fabric without losing the essence of Eric. I just need people to be kind to me or ignore me. Trying to make me sit or stand through xx years of your losses is abusive.

I really try to be kind and caring. Right now I have no reserves left. I am exhausted and know that this is normal. It is a good night when I can sleep through the night. It is a good day when I can get some laundry done or do some errands with out needing a long nap afterwords.  I have a new normal to deal with. Please be patient, this is a difficult part of my journey in life. I don’t know when or if I will ever be my old self again or if it’s time to reinvent myself.

I did promise a bit of good day. So here it is.  Three loads of laundry got done. I delivered 29 pairs of socks from this weeks Zenning to Flowing Wells School District Clothing Bank along with a bag from Barbara.  I did the dishes in the sink before I left for the day. I even folded laundry. So it was a good day.

Fantastic Zenning

Today was a fantastic Zenning day.  I now have enough in trade credits at Bookman’s to get 2 dozen more pairs of socks for my favorite charity project. Which is fantastic because they need more socks from little kids feet to high school size feet. My Zenning is on a roll.  I did not get much else done today. Unless you count a thee hour nap.  As you know I find the actual act of Zenning exhausting. It’s 9:30 and I am ready to call it a night.

Please consider sending a gift card to the Flowing Wells School District so the staff can fill in what is needed in the clothing bank. Target and Walmart gift cards work out well. Please include a note saying what you want the donation to go to.

Please mail to:
Flowing Wells Schools
Iola Frans Administration Center
Attention Superintendents Office
1556 West Prince Road
Tucson Az 85705-3087

Thank you in advance.

Sheri.

A Failure

Today I did something I rarely do.  I did a holiday craft show.  It was abysmal at best.  The best sellers were teething wash cloths, stitch markers and key rings at fifty cents each.   I was told that this was a high end show. So I spent the week weaving 2 scarfs and making 2 dozen pairs of earrings. The highest priced item to sell was one of John’s spinners, still under $10.00.  I did not even break even.  Please remind of this if I am thinking about doing a show in the future.

A Score

John and I went to Bookman’s today. We traded some of my Zenning  to replace 3 coffee cups that were stolen a while back. This was a hard to find item because they were from my first set of dishes I ever bought way back in the late 1970’s and were removed from the Cornelle line in the mid 1990’s.  I had given up ever replacing them.

We also scored 5 pairs of socks for the clothing bank.  Before bed tonight I refilled the Bookman’s bag.  Truth be told I only zenned for 5 minutes today. I am totally exhausted. My arthritis has kicked in with vengeance like I have not seen in a while. So a 2 1/2 hour nap instead of knitting was needed. I am also going to turn in early tonight. Tomorrow is going to be better.

A Little of This and A Little of That

Today I was all over the place in terms of getting things done.  This morning before lunch I wove about 25 inches more on the scarf I started a few day ago.  I did 4 very small loads of laundry, John and I don’t make much.  I think Eric’s washing machine is missing him.  Yes, we bought it, but Eric claimed it as his own.

Then it was off to knitting.  To help my student start her next block.  A nice lady with questions on a hat.  She did come to the right person. I also got to show a knit front, knit back, knit front in the same stitch for a bobble ( kfbf ). It’s not a stitch that I like but can demonstrate it as necessary.  I am also working on the pattern for 4 of 3 a shawl study.

John took me out for dinner and then we came home. I spent 20 minutes in Eric’s room and filled a bag for Bookman’s and another for Goodwill.  After all that I was to tired to knit or weave tonight.  Well it is almost tomorrow so it’s time to say goodnight.

Errands

Today I got out of the house for some errands. I managed to get to the library to return the equipment on loan from the Library of Congress, Services for the blind and disabled. The librarian knew he was supposed to take them back, but had to research were to send them.  He was really nice.

Then it was off to the Flowing Wells School District main office to drop off the hand knit hats, socks and a few school supplies.  They were very happy to receive everything. All 3 bags full.

Then off to drive across town to drop off a check and check out a venue.  I think the event will be inside.  That’s great because it’s supposed to rain on Sunday. Then I went shopping and headed home. A 9 hour work day left me exhausted. Did I mention that I started making earrings and stitch markers at 6 am and forgot to eat breakfast because I was so busy.

After dinner I got in some weaving time on the new scarf. I even managed to empty a shuttle.  I am almost at the splash of red part.

It’s 10:30 pm and I am so tired that my body is saying go to sleep. I really don’t know how I managed such long hours with Eric. I guess I am a mere mortal now.