I can Not Unwind

Eric is feeling better and sleeping, he will go to program tomorrow. I on the other hand can not unwind enough to go to sleep. This is following the usual pattern. So I will listen to some music and hope that it will be enough to to go to sleep.

For almost 24 hours my soul focus has been Eric and I am having trouble shifting back to me. In the past 24 hours I have missed a going away party for Scott Z. who got a great promotion. I missed sitting around with friends just sitting, chatting and knitting. I seem to miss so much when Eric is not feeling well. There just seems to be no balance in my life.

I never wanted to be a nurse when I was growing up. Yet I seem to have spent a large part of the last 3 decades doing just that. Life can be so strange sometimes. My kids have taken me places that I would have never thought of going or doing and for that I thank them.

Life is Stranger than Fiction

Some things that I have taken for granted with Eric might not be things that should have been taken for granted. Take to day for instance. I was picking Eric up after his day program. Yes, I know that this happens quite a lot, if we are lucky 5 days in any given week. Well today went way out of the normal pick up for us.

As I was putting Eric's bag and my purse in the car a driver from a transport company walked straight over from his transport van to my car to take Eric from me. The conversation went something like this:

Driver - I am here to take Eric home.
Me - This is my son Eric, he is going home with me. At this point I grab a hold of Eric's chair. Then get between Eric and the transport driver.
Driver - I am here to pick up Eric. He is going with me.
Me - This is my son he is going home with me.
Driver - This is the Eric I am suppose to take home. I have it on my call sheet. This is his chair.
Me - This is my sons chair you must mean the other Eric. Go into the building and get him.
Driver - No, I am taking this Eric home.
Me - The other Eric's chair is blue. This chair is clearly green and my son is going with me.

This conversation went on like this for a few more minutes.

After jotting down my licence plate number he finally goes into to the building and emerges with the Eric he was suppose to be driving.

Well I have to say that this is the first time in his life that someone has tried to walk off with Eric on purpose. In the past when Eric was self propelled and he wheeled off someone would always return him. Now that he is not self propelled most people would not walk away with 100 pounds of chair and 95 pounds of boy on purpose.

The lesson learned today was: Never say never and don't be afraid to call 911 no matter how odd the call is going to sound.

A Pivotial Day

A few days ago I noticed that Eric was having a lot of trouble after his bolist feedings. So I call his doctor and we put him on a trial of no bolist feedings and added and extra can of formula. Since we have made that switch Eric has not wild eyrped once and has slept through the night with the exception of last night. I really think he was ticked off at me for going out on a date with John.

Today was a very pivotal day in my life. Today was the first time in over 20 years that we went out as a family and I was not feeding a child. As I walked across Sweet Tomatoes parking lot I had a really odd thought. Why am I carrying my knitting with me, after all Eric was on the pump and when John and I finished lunch we would leave because we did not have to wait for Eric to finish.

John did notice how lost I felt with no child to feed. I needed to get a new rhythm of eating down. The old one was one bite for me then one bite for Eric until I was done. Then it was one row of knitting and one bite for Eric. I did feel totally lost and some what out of a job. As you all know I feel one of my jobs is to make sure everybody gets enough to eat. Yes Eric was eating via the kangaroo pump, but all I do is set up the bag and add formula during the day. So I my opinion the kangaroo pump was feeding Eric.

I need to remember that feeding Eric is not always our interaction while eating but that Eric get the proper nutrition no matter how the food is delivered. I also have to remember that as a parent not all the roads I cross will be bright and happy events. That I need to cherish every moment with my family because in the end they will not remember what we had to eat but rather the time we spent together.

Enjoy your families and have a great evening.

La Shana Tova

As this year of 5770 draws to a close it is time for introspection in my life. It has been a year of very high highs and some lows. The hours have been long and unpredictable. Some of the things I have learned along the way have enhanced my life while conversely some of the time I spent "learning" I will never get that time back.

Some of the most important things I have learned include that it is not necessary to use an 8 to 10 quart pot every time I make soup. Yes I have conquered the 4 quart soup pot. I can also now make a 9 by 9 inch pan of kugle (noodle pudding) and the world has not come to an end. Learning to cook for just 2 of us has taken a while. Eric does not eat much of my cooking anymore, which is fine with me although I don't mind using the magic bullet when he wants what we are eating.

It is really OK not to be a pack rat. It is easier to keep the house clean with less junk. This has been a long process for me as I come from a long line of pack rats on both sides of my family. The less accumulation of just stuff is very hard to do; but after having to clean some houses of a life time of clutter I want to make the process easier for Teri.  So I am starting the process while I am still young enough to do most of the work myself. It does really feel good to de-clutter. Just don't tell that to John.  But it is still a very hard process for me.

I have learned that if I don't like a particular yarn I do not have to knit with it no matter what. I can still find a good home for it. It is also OK to knit for me. Everything does not have to be for charity or for sale.

The things I need to work on for 5771 is to have more patience when I am tired. That it is OK to say no. It is OK to have me time. To find more couple time with John. To continue the work of 5770 by de-cluttering more. I also hope to be more available to Teri and to try to understand her new life better.

I hope everyone will join me in putting family first.  They are our very core. Keep in close contact with good friends and try to make amends for past failures.

I know in my heart that world peace will not come easily as we need to over come many millennium of hatred and miss understandings. I hope for a year of more understanding, education and corporation in the world.

I leave you this year with wishes of health and a good life.  May you have a sweet year. La Shana Tova.

To Yarn or not to Yarn.

Rubbermaid 3Q3600CLRVB Clear Storage Container - 95 Qt (Pack of 4)Yesterday I was sitting around the kitchen table with Teri and Eric. I had mentioned that all 3 local yarn stores in Tucson were have wonderful end of the year sales that started yesterday, and I just knew that they had yarn somewhere that was calling my name. I did mention to them that I had gone through 95 quarts of yarn since I had started my yarn diet and I was almost positive that I did not have much more than 500 quarts left. For the volume of quarts think those large Rubbermaid storage containers fill to the brim. I did not think that I had to count the yarn in my closet or the sewing room in that volume after all it is not in storage containers.
I have been knitting at a fast pace and going through lots of yarn I finished a scarf and a hat yesterday. I am finishing ufo's at a great pace so I think it would be ok to look at some new yarn. I really need some new yarn.
But both children in unison rolled their eyes at the thought of more yarn in the house. Teri made a great verbal argument as to why I did not need to buy more yarn and Eric joined in with a vigorous signing of no more. I really did not think that Eric was aware of all the yarn in the house.
So the kids won, I will miss the yarn sales this year. I will miss the adventure of finding something wonderful and cuddly and just kept knitting at a fast pace and hope that I have done enough knitting by next year to go to the sales.
To all of you that do not have as much yarn as I do please go and support your local yarn stores so that I can go next year. Please try to leave the shelf’s as I would, as empty as possible so that they do not have to count all that yarn in the year end inventory. It is the nicest thing we can do for the shop owners who do so much for us.

So now I shall go off to knit and see how much I can knit today. Have a wonderful day and enjoy your families.

A Must Read Book

One of my must read books is being made into a movie, but before it happens you should read "Eat, Pray, Love: One woman's search for everything across Italy, India and Indonesia" by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Elizabeth is a very engaging writer and takes us through her post-divorce journey to wholeness. In Italy it's about the food, her flat mate and Italian language classes and her Italian tutor.

In India Elizabeth goes to a remote Ashram to try to understand her life and soul. Elizabeth goes into what life is like at the Ashram and the people she meets. By the time she leaves India she is well on her way on her new post divorce life.

In Indonesia, Elizabeth learns she does have power over her own universe and life. Elizabeth also learns to love again.

This is a unique book and the people Elizabeth meets along the way are awesome and teach her little life lessons along the way. I urge you to read the book before the movie comes out. It will have you laughing and crying and wishing that you could meet these people and make them apart of your life.

I have included a link to Amazon.com if you would like to buy the book on line, and use this link on the upper right corner of my web page, I will get a small commission.

Read this wonderful book and enjoy your families.