Still Sick

I am still under the weather,  but I had slightly more energy than yesterday. So easy laundry got done. More things were moved out of Eric’s room. A few shelves have been finished. This is day 2 of the cold and I am so done with it. I hope that I wake up tomorrow feeling 100%

Under the Weather

Today I was under the weather in more than 1 way. At 7:30 am it was a balmy 32 degrees Fahrenheit. Not a good start to the day. I also don’t know if I have the virus Du jour or a  sjorgren’s syndrome flare up. I spent the day huddled under a blanket still freezing and sleeping most of the day. I ventured out only to get the mail. There was a thief roaming the neighborhood going after mail and packages. I found this out thanks to ring  It’s time to call it a night and hope that I feel better tomorrow.

Ethics

As I am cleaning out Eric’s old room, I find it simply astonishing what the people who cared for Eric thought that they had a right to. Examples included books signed by the authors that Eric had meet over the course of his life, thank goodness they left me a few to remember the good times.  Most of the Shalom Sesame Street  and Barney learns Hebrew DVDs were gone, I don’t recall ever having a Jewish aide.

Things that did not surprise me were the DVDs and books in Spanish. There was a period in time when it was impossible to get aides that spoke English. This was long before the google fish translation program.  So I always had the Spanish - English dictionary or Teri on hand. My Spanish did get better during that period.

Other random things that were taken included solar lights. They filed the box with rocks. Silverware. Eric’s diapers and medicine. Money from my purse, I never thought that I would need to hide my own purse in my own home. Used makeup, I can’t make this one up.  Liquid soap to wash hands with.  I am sure laundry detergent walked too.  I am sure that there were things that were nailed down that were also taken.

If you think it was all the aides, you don’t know the system well enough.  There was the special education teacher who stole the silverware we sent from home if we sent it matched sets, including Eric’s favorite Elmo set that he wheeled his chair with intention to and grabbed it, I had to buy it.  The same teacher gave away my buttons that Eric used for sorting so the art teacher could do a puppet project with the school. She obviously did not like sorting buttons with Eric, By the way this was part of his individual education plan.  As I recall she also stole all of the adaptive equipment that I made for Eric, so she could use it with her foster kids and at her next school. Is it any wonder that Eric faked seizures to get out of her class room. Another teachers aide used to give away Eric’s bibs. I think she was also the one who let Eric get soaked while she used his rain poncho. Can we say pneumonia for Eric?

I just wonder why these people think that when working with a sick child that they are entitled to anything they want of his.  I really don’t know how they can teach their children to lead an ethical life style if they themselves are so casual about stealing.  John and I taught the kids to lead an ethical lifestyle. You can almost never go wrong by being ethical.

OK, enough of my rant on ethics. Just lead an ethical lifestyle.

The Word of the Day is Zenning

As more stuff leaves the house, the house seems bigger to me.  Yes, the house is the same size, but there is less clutter.  We are now entering the less is more stage of our lives.  I am sure that this will bring great joy to Teri too.

I have found stores of odd things like toilet paper buried deep in the back of a cabinet behind swim towels. This was my before breakfast Zenning project.  I now have a bag of old but still usable towels that will make its way to the animal shelter.  I found 3/4 of a bolt of fabric for Eric projects that has been cut into dog pillows size pieces. Now to find the black thread and start making pillows. I think I have enough scraps for at least 6. After 6 I will have to go buy more poly fill.  I wonder if I can fill the whole center section of the van with pillows?

I have the next Bookman’s run ready to go.  I also have the next bag for Goodwill ready.  I think I need more large trash bags too.    I have a huge pile of books to go to Flowing Wells School District. The bibs are next.  That will make 1 whole shelf available for John.  I have a hard time reaching it unless I am in high heels.  I wonder why I waited so long to do this shelf.  No, not really.

Once I am through with this round of Zenning,I will start the major reorganization of the house. I will also get my hat patterns written.  Wish me luck.

Pure Joy

Today as I gave 2 of Eric’s Elmo’s to a friend’s grandson I experienced the first pure joyous moment since Eric passed. Ivan had the same pure joy on his face as Eric had when he received them. Ivan was a little afraid that I was going to take them back to Eric, it’s just something that 2 year old’s are not meant to understand. I told Ivan that his job was to hug the Elmo’s and take good care of them for Eric. He then hugged the Elmo’s as I left.

Ivan I know you are much to young to understand what you did for me today.  I hope that some day your mom will show you this.

Thank you so very much Ivan.

A Good Day - Kinda of - Also A Rant

I have made some personal progress. I don’t cry every time someone mentions Eric’s name. I am, however, beginning to get annoyed at people who give their condolences in one breath and the very next breath go into a diatribe on everyone that they have lost over their life time and want me to console them. Tell them how sorry that I am for their loss.   Expletive deleted, it has not been a month yet. How in the expletive deleted am I suppose to deal with these people. Is this supposed to make me feel better? Is this just because for some odd reason the nutters find me? Have they not read Miss Manners or Emily Posts chapter on the subject?

Just in case you failed to read either section on manners when giving condolences it is not OK to say you are sorry that I lost my only son and then go on to say my grief is not real or important. If I am not important enough to you to make a little positive comment about Eric, then don’t say anything at all.  There is a time and a place for everything. I know I feel very frayed right now. The fabric of my life has a huge hole in it that can not be mended. I have to find a way to reinforce the fabric without losing the essence of Eric. I just need people to be kind to me or ignore me. Trying to make me sit or stand through xx years of your losses is abusive.

I really try to be kind and caring. Right now I have no reserves left. I am exhausted and know that this is normal. It is a good night when I can sleep through the night. It is a good day when I can get some laundry done or do some errands with out needing a long nap afterwords.  I have a new normal to deal with. Please be patient, this is a difficult part of my journey in life. I don’t know when or if I will ever be my old self again or if it’s time to reinvent myself.

I did promise a bit of good day. So here it is.  Three loads of laundry got done. I delivered 29 pairs of socks from this weeks Zenning to Flowing Wells School District Clothing Bank along with a bag from Barbara.  I did the dishes in the sink before I left for the day. I even folded laundry. So it was a good day.

Fantastic Zenning

Today was a fantastic Zenning day.  I now have enough in trade credits at Bookman’s to get 2 dozen more pairs of socks for my favorite charity project. Which is fantastic because they need more socks from little kids feet to high school size feet. My Zenning is on a roll.  I did not get much else done today. Unless you count a thee hour nap.  As you know I find the actual act of Zenning exhausting. It’s 9:30 and I am ready to call it a night.

Please consider sending a gift card to the Flowing Wells School District so the staff can fill in what is needed in the clothing bank. Target and Walmart gift cards work out well. Please include a note saying what you want the donation to go to.

Please mail to:
Flowing Wells Schools
Iola Frans Administration Center
Attention Superintendents Office
1556 West Prince Road
Tucson Az 85705-3087

Thank you in advance.

Sheri.