Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 4, 2023

The RSV Vaccine

 If you are eligible for the RSV vaccine I strongly recommend that you talk to your doctor to see if it is right for you.  I also recommend making an appointment to get the vaccine or any other vaccines you plan on getting this fall.  The pharmacies only order enough for the appointments. 

My personal recommendation is to save things like folding laundry for after the vaccine to keep your arm moving.  It really helps keep the arm from hurting.  By the way I also found that winding shuttles and weaving also help.  So it must be a great time to take up weaving, am I right?

Stay healthy and safe.  

Saturday, September 2, 2023

Overheard

 I recently overheard this comment by someone who should have known better.  At an open house a presenter said that they were not getting the new fiber animals with the 1 to 2 micron fiber.  Yes, he did say 1 to 2 micron fiber.  Wait for it….because the hair was too fine and brittle. 

First off to put this all in perspective the average human hair is approximately 70 microns, plus or minus 20 microns.  

I have never seen wool fibers smaller than 15 to 25 microns sell in a retail store, which is considered a finer and softer wool.  In fiber a micron is used to measure the diameter of wool.  Lambs and kids first cuts might be finer but the trade off is a shorter staple length and a slightly harder spin.  The finished yarn will not be as durable either from my personal experience.  So that is why if I get any first cuts I blend it with other fibers from the same breed. 

A micron is a way to measure the size of a particle.  A micron is 1 - 1,000,000 of a meter or 0.001 millimeter  or 1 - 25,000 of an inch, or .0003937 inch. It is also said that the human eye can see objects that are approximately 0.1 millimeters in size.  

So now that you have seen all the geeky math you know why it gave me a laugh when we left the area. 

If you find an error in my math, please know that I relied on a search engine for the hardcore numbers.  Math is also not my forte.  Although I am getting better at math with the amount of knitting that I do.  

Lastly if you are a presenter please know your subject matter a lot better than this.  Also feel free to use note cards for the hard to remember things.  

Saturday, September 3, 2022

Knitting Humor

 The second Maxi Fingerless Glove has been finished except for seaming. I have cast on the first glove of the pair. I always try to finish the second one first because it is so easy to forget to knit the second of anything. The yarn is from Merino Y Vino.  

 The yarn for the second pair arrived today so I can start the next pair very quickly. I also got yarn for a matching shawl too.  This came from Gingersnap Yarn


Monday, September 20, 2021

12 Years, the Quick Weight Loss Journey.

 Are people really reading The whole  tweet, Instagram or Facebook posts.  Many do, but an equal number do not.  Remember yesterday’s post.  The one right below this post.  The one saying that I started my lifestyle changes in 2009. This morning I got a Direct mail inquiry asking if I wanted to share my quick weight loss journey and secrets. I kid you not.  

My question is simple.  Is a dozen years, that’s right 12 years now considered a quick weight loss journey? In my most humble of opinions I am going to say it’s not.  I just might be putting myself a little outside the conventional thinking on this one.  

The next questions are do I answer? Do I ingore this one entirely.  Do I really want to put myself out there for random people to question my choices about my body and lifestyle? I have not even heard of this person before.  Is she trying to gain her 15 minutes of fame off of my work? If she was really interested in my journey, she would have gone back to my blog posts from 2009 and starting reading them by herself.  She would have done her homework.  If she wants someone to spoon feed her story material she should hire someone, preferably a professional with a degree.   

So the quick answer to a long post is no, I am not going to left her feature me in a story about quick weight loss.  I tried quick weight loss for years starting when I was 12.  My mom put me on a diet because I was 2 whole pounds over my “ideal weight “.  She taught me how to binge.  Explained how broken cookies had no calories because there was no way to measure out a cookie from a bag of broken cookies. Also explained that if you ate just a sliver of anything it did not count, because it was not a whole piece. How to eat couipous amounts of sweets.  Taught me that exercise was bad because it put on weight. I now know that muscle weight is better than fat weight. Muscle weight is also firmer. Muscle weight is heavier by volume.  How drinking  diet soda was better than milk or water, my preferred drinks at the time.  We are supposed to trust our parents to give us good information   

If you have children of any age all I can say to you is do not let your kids diet.  Have healthy foods around all the time.  Indulge them in the produce section of the store, even if it is a budget buster.  Teach them about walking and finding ways to stay active.  Teach them to live a healthy lifestyle.

Let them be like my daughter.  I once thought she liked cookies. When we went grocery shopping she would carefully pick out cookies to add to her lunch.  I did not find out until a couple of decades later that she would trade her cookies for fresh fruits and vegetables.  Certain cookies had a higher fruit or vegetable to cookie ratio. She was the sole reason her elementary school started  a no trade policy at lunch time.  

So if you like start your own lifestyle change journey..I will cheer you on.  Please remember it will always be your journey.  

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

How Do I Know When to do Laundry?

 The biggest constant chore that I do is laundry.

 I don't like to do laundry everyday.

 Sometimes I do laundry everyday. 

When do I know that it past time to do laundry?

1. I am out of sponges. I use a fresh sponge every day. There are studies that say you need a fresh sponge everyday. The sponges build up bacteria fast. When that happens I do whites because I wash the whites in hot water. 

1a. Maybe I just need more sponges.  Just a thought. 

2. I have too many empty hangers in the closet. We hang up our empty hangers together by type, John's, mine and pant / skirt hangers. For the last 1 1/2 years this is how I know I need to do laundry. We never fill the baskets to overflowing anymore. 

3. It has been 3 weeks since I did towels. It takes 3 weeks worth of towels to fill the washer.

4. When we run out of something.

4a. Just buy more of the item we run out of  frequently. More than just a thought. 

5. Company is coming and I need to clean the 3rd bathroom for guests to use. 

5a.  Where else am I suppose to put the laundry baskets to keep them out of the way. I swear that our laundry room was just an afterthought. It is barley big enough for the newer larger washers and dryers. I can't have the dryer door and the back yard door open at the same time. 

The trouble with modern life in the first world.

Tuesday, March 16, 2021

2 Inches -The Shorter Side of Life

 My legs are just 2 inches too short to reach the floor when I am sitting on the couch. I finally figured it out tonight. I don’t remember when we bought them. I found the couch was unusually comfortable. Then I looked down at my shoes. Yes they had 2 inch heels. 

I wonder why you can’t order on half the couch built for the taller person and a shorter couch built for the shorter person.  Of course it would have to have the same fabric. I can not be the only wife with a husband who is 12 inches taller.

Our house is a mishmash of shorter and taller counters.  Kitchen countertop lower.  Bathrooms one short, on regular height and one taller.  Rocking chair is on the taller side, the short on wore out long ago.

Cars are an issue too. It’s hard to find a car that fits someone that’s 5’3” tall and some one well over 6’ tall.  The car that’s good for the short person can be really awkward for a taller person.  My 1969 VW Bug was a perfect example of this and so was my Toyota Corolla. When John drove those cars his knees were wrapped around the steering wheel. Yet they fit me to a T.   In the Astro, John almost always drove because there was more leg room in the driver’s seat  in the Nissan, I hated driving John’s car, because I was too short to get comfortable  

Designers are falling short on this issue. Pun intended.   

Friday, February 26, 2021

One Blanket Down

 I finally finished knitting one blanket. It will get washed and blocked tomorrow.  I am a third of the way through the next blanket in the basket. I have 2 inches to finish knitting on the first strip. Then I will start the next strip. This is the first of two blankets with 3 different size 8 inch blocks.  Yes, I have another one of those too. We as knitters either have to standardize what an 8 inch block actually is or all use the same rulers. My take on an 8 inch block is 8 inches wide by 8 inches in length. On the next 2 blankets I have six different sized  8 inch blocks.  So I will be knitting a lot of strips. Sewing them together.  Then adding Crocheted boarders.  

I also started spring cleaning today.  I started in the kitchen.  I cleaned for 1 1/2 hours and napped for 3 hours.  I am sincerely hoping that this is still the surgery recovery process. If it’s not I might have to admit that I am not 30 anymore.  

I need to get a good nights sleep.  Tomorrow we will be hunting down tree killing mistletoe and removing it.  Since we have a dumpster bag we will also get some junk out of the garage. The word of the day tomorrow is Zenning.  

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

The Enchanted Couch

I have found an enchanted couch. It is fabulous.  I just sit on it and wake up 2 hours later fully refreshed. I tried it twice today. All I can say is that I love it.  Do to my love of the enchanted couch I will not disclose its location.  I don’t want to share it..I don’t want to have to wait in line for it.  The couch is calling to me again and I must go..

Monday, February 12, 2018

Inches

As long as I do nothing but  rest, hand exercises and rub lotion into the scar tissue my hand feels better. It's when I try to do stuff that I regret my actions. So it is still one day at a time. It is also a long way off until mid March when things are suppose to be healed.

Today was my first mostly pain free day since the hand surgery. So I got caught up on shopping. My day went like this. Eat a meal. Go on one shopping trip. Put everything away. Then take a nap. Repeat after lunch. I think we are now stocked up on everything but tissues. It's the only thing I forgot to buy.

No knitting, weaving, sewing or spinning were done today. Your fiber animals are safe for one more day.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Why Mom's Run Away from Home.

I really think prestigious online  news outlets like The Onion, have really missed the mark on this one.  The real reason that we are seeing an increase of all mommies running away from home.  

First and foremost are the long work hours. After working most of the day and then staying up most of the night we really want some time off. Trying to stay awake the next day to take care of and entertain a sick or cranky child is no piece of cake. Speaking of cake, I will take some vegan or parve cup cakes.  I really think that the cats have made decisive strides here. By finding a warm, quite and out of the way place to curl up and sleep. A nice sunny and quite place sounds good right now. Do you think anyone  will find me curled up behind the couch?

Which brings up the issue of pay. Have you ever tried to buy a new dress with sticky, peanut butter and jelly hugs. Our kids really have to come up with a more universally accepted payroll system.  We want wardrobes comparable to what other women in the work place get to wear on a daily basis. Have you ever noticed that really tired mommies wear pj's well after noon? Now if we can make rules about little sticky hands not being allowed to muck up the new wardrobe. 

This also brings up all the activities that the kids just have to do.  I am not feeling really positive about 7 year olds padding their college applications by making us drive them from one activity to the next.  Do they think we are also chauffeurs? Take soccer for instance.  The sport has become so popular that practices are ending after my bed time.  Can't I just give you a ball to kick around the back yard?  After all just how many of you will actually break even on this sport by getting actual money for college?  You can't expect to make me sit with some of those parents that yell at everyone.  Who knows,  they might think that they are the Knitting Police too.  And the music lesson.  Instead of practicing in the house take your practice outside and let the entire neighborhood enjoy the strides that you are making, so that they can see their tax dollars at work. 

Yes, I know that I am using a lot of run on sentences. For the Spelling and Grammer Police out there you are grounded until further notice.  xoxo Your Mommie on the run.  

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

The Bear is Off Limits

Whatever you do don't blame the bear. Let me back track a little bit. At 3:30 this morning Eric was a little cranky. His favorite bear was wrapped snuggly in his blanket, while a very cold Eric was trying to cover himself with his pillows. So I talked to Eric's bear about stealing Eric's blankets in the middle of the night while I was getting Eric resettled in. This morning that included a change out and some physical therapy. By the way John repeated this exercise a little while after I finished, but he did not lecture the bear. So daddy was golden.

By the time I got Eric settled again 30 minutes latter, he was really mad about me talking to his beloved bear like that. He was still mad when I dropped him off at his day program.  He would not even let me give him a kiss goodbye. It took Maggie a little bit of persuasion to send a smile picture of himself to me.

So the lesson learned today was never ever blame the beloved stuffed animal. No matter if they steal the blankets in the middle of the night and leave your child cold, they are still off limits for a mommy lecture.

By 3:00 this afternoon he was no longer mad at me and let me drive him home.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Cooking Dinner

Tonight John and I used the broiler for the first time. I kinda guessed what I should be doing, after all it is just a broiler. Well, I have used broilers since oh so last century and this was not like any I have used in the past. John started reading the directions as I was cooking. First of all the broiler has a high and low setting, yes really. Apparently the high setting is used for searing the meat. The low setting is used for standard broiling. Oh and chicken must be broiled on the bottom rack of the oven. Over all it took longer to cook the meat, but it came out perfect.

My question is how the simple act of making dinner has become more complicated over the years? After all we have been using fire to cook with since the caveman days. I think I have the closest version of the 1960's Disney/GE house of the future in Tomorrowland vision of the perfect kitchen that is available today. Although I am still waiting for the table that will clear  itself, wash the dishes and reset the table. Not to mention the self cleaning house. I think that we may have been lead astray as to what would happen to the kitchen of the future. Until it arrives I would recommend that everyone read the manual.

Now if I could just find a manual to explain why my sinuses try to drain every night at bedtime.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

To Spam or Not to Spam, That is the Question

This is an open letter to all the charitable organization's out there.

How To Land In My Spam Box

I know that raising funds for your charity is very hard work. Lets face it there are millions of charitable organizations out there. You do everything you can ethically to raise money and you are still not reaching the goal that your board of directors has said that you need to reach this year.

So you cross the ethical line. You think that because our parents or grandparents supported your cause that I should too. Is this because the letter addressed to them, but sent to my home address are regularly put in the recycle bin? So you start sending out fundraising letters to my e-mail account addressed to them. In fact I receive multiple e-mails a week, because it does not cost you money to send them out.

I really want you to think about this. Would you call my phone or ring my doorbell asking to speak to the person you know is dead. Probably not. So why then is it your new mission in life to clog my e-mail account by sending letter after letter to people in my life who have departed this world for the next? You organization has been told multiple times that they have passed. If you don't beleive me just Google their names.You do know how to use Google, don't you?

My generation thinks that my e-mail address is my own, albeit it may ultimately belong to my Internet Service Provider. Only a copywrite guru knows for sure. It does not belong to a family line. My parents or grandparents were not allowed to use my personal e-mail address when they are alive, even more so now that they have departed this world. If you must really send out letters to our dearly departed on a regular basis, please contact me once by snail mail asking for the name of the cemetery and the plot number. I am quite sure that they would enjoy the attention, as they currently don't receive much mail.

In the meantime just know that all e-mail sent to dead relatives via my e-mail account will be put in my spam box. No exceptions to this rule. If you still do not understand this, please send me your home number and what time you eat dinner and I will call then to explain it to you.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Stepping It Up

I have upped my exercise since the first of the year.  Over the last 9 days, I have tried to to keep my step count over 10,000 steps a day. This is a 40% increase in excercise for me. It has left me a little on the tired side.  I don't have much energy to knit or blog at night. John assures me that this is just temporary.  I hope he is right. 

Me I just want the energy that my teenage me had.  Maybe if I give up on the mundane things in my life like laundry, carpooling and cleaning that would help.  I am just not sure if Eric is up to the task of doing his own laundry or cleaning. I am also pretty sure that he does not want to give up his chauffeured ride to and from his day program.  I am also still waiting for the self cleaning house that G.E. promised us in the 1960's at Disneylands Tomorrow Land. I would also settle for Rosie from the Jettisons cartoon.  I think that Google is the only one that comes close to the future dreams of the past with its self driving car. Now if they would make it wheelchair ready with automatic tie downs that would be great.  I would also like to just push a button and have it deliver Eric where he needs to go.  

Well if I want to go to the quilt show tomorrow, I should call it a night. 

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Article 9

Dear Article 9,

We need to get something straight here. I am sure that you are a wonderful law with many good features.  This being said you have gone too far into my families laundry.  I am sure that your intent is for my sons aides not to do the family laundry.  I can really understand this.  

However when aide after aide comes into to my home after completing your required training and tells me it is against the law or somehow illegal for me to wash laundry for the whole family together, something is drastically wrong.

Lets get something straight, 3 people live under my roof. I do the laundry for all 3 people who live under my roof. I do not feel that you have the right to tell me how to do laundry for my family in my home. I already do an average of 25 loads of laundry a week, if I were required to do my husbands and my laundry completely separately  from our sons laundry, that would up my workload up by 3 to 4 extra loads of laundry per week.  Since we are fast approaching an epic 1,000 year drought event; and you do not pay my water or electric bills. Let alone for my time or washing supplies. I respectfully request that you stay out of my laundry room.

I am sure that the government has more important things to worry about than my laundry.

Sincerly,

One Tired Mom

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Through the Blender

Today was just one of those days. It started off in Tucson with an aide new to mornings. Way too many phone calls before breakfast. With a lot more after breakfast. 

Packing for an unplanned trip. Yes the yarn was packed before the clothes. Doing a car swap so Eric could get home from his day program.  

Followed by a very long drive in which a Boader Patrol Agent asked how my day was going.  I told him it was in the blender, but every thing was going to be OK. He must have thought that was a very odd answer. 

I also managed to visit a CVS Pharmacy in 2 diffrent states today. I am now at Teri's house for a few days of urgently needed mommy TLC for Teri. 

Monday, May 12, 2014

A Lack of Foresight

Last year I showed a tremendous lack of foresight when I made the doctors appointment for today. I had no idea the practice would be installing a new computer system on Mothers Day weekend.  It's like who does that sort of thing?

I should have know we were in trouble when we checked in at the front desk. More than the normal amount of information needed to be verified.  The clerk said there were a few glitches with the new computer system. So I thought a little GIGO went on with the data transfer. 

We were called back fairly quickly. It was about 10 minutes.  So I thought Eric might get to the program in time to swim. Wrong.  We corrected more information on the back computer.   The assistant said the doctor would be right in.  The problem is he forgot to tell the doctor that we were In the room. 

I started knitting. Did a little pt with Eric. Then started a new color in the self striping yarn. After 45 minutes Eric randomly started saying hello to attract attention.  Fifteen minutes later the doctor came in. He said it was the new computer system. There is no way to tell the doctor which patient is in which room. Also his assistant told him we had left 15 minutes before without seeing him, so the assistant checked us out and made next years appointment.  It did not sound right to him.  He was going to see a different patient whom he thought was in our room. 

So long story made short. Eric is doing ok. The doctors office computer needs some work. I got Eric to his program 3 1/2 hours late and he missed swimming. 

I am going to work on a new knitting design and hope that my day goes smoother.  TTFN

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Bits and Pieces

I don't get to decorate the dead computer as a center piece. Apparently John and I had major differences in how to decorate it. So John boxed it up.  I guess I will have to go with traditional Thanksgiving decorations. 

I am still in the purging junk from the house mode.  I wish I had grown up in a house that did not have to hang on to everything.  I have managed to fill 1/2 the recycle bin since yesterday.  I have learned that once something is gone I don't have to deal with it again.  I am also finding more things that need to go, even in areas I thought were done. I am hoping that all this work now will give me time to play catch up with my on line spinning class next week.  

I also think that the new medical supply company that the insurance company assigned us to bid their contract price to low.  When we needed new supplies for Eric's suction machine they sent us parts from another machine. They also sent us trech supplies. No trech here. When I called to say that the machine was not working right with the wrong parts. I was told that the parts were no longer available.  That I had to kludge the parts together and try to make it work. My only question to the insurance company and the medical supply company is; why are the necessary parts available on Amazon, EBay and at least a dozen other sites.  My search was so exhaustive that it took all of 15 minutes. In that 15 minutes I did notice that the retail price of the wrong parts were between 20 and 40% less expensive than the correct parts.  Which brings me back to the first question, why did the medical supply company make their bid so low that they can not do the job that they are being contracted for?  This was my head desk moment for the day. 

Only one more day until Company comes for the holiday weekend. So the work that is not done tommrow will not get done until after company leaves.  We'll that is not entirely true.  I will try to keep up with the laundry. 

Friday, October 11, 2013

The Purse

How do you know that you have come upon a purse of a knitter?  There are a few major clues.  First it is usually easier to find a pair of knitting needles then the head phone buds of the MP3 player that resides in the purse. 

The second clue would be the small knitting project in progress. If that project is almost done you will also find the next project or skein of yarn for the latest 1 skein wonder. 

Then there is the small zippered pouch that has at least the following items in it. A small pair of scissors, a few extra stitch markers, darning needles, at least 1 crochet hook and a tape measure. Depending on the current work in progress you might also find cable holders, small bobbins for bits of yarn, dental floss for lace knitting and stitch holders.  

Then we can't forget about the nail file so we don't snag our work. Lotion and nail creams to keep our hands soft so we don't snag things like silk.  

I often wonder if our male counter parts keep their knitting in small backpacks. Do you have a knitters purse?

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Snow Birds Have Arrived

Well it is that time of year again when we get our lovely snow birds. Most I have to say are pretty nice and lovely to have around. They give our local economy a boost which is great in the midst of a recession. Yes I know the recession has been declared over but in my humble opinion we are still in the midst of it.

But there are a few my northern neighbors are probably glad some of their neighbors are gone for a while. Take for instance the ones that feel that they must decide what belongs in my shopping cart. No you do not get to decide what I feed my family or publicly lecture me on what I have in my cart. Or how much I buy.

We don't get to many of these each year but please remember that Tucson is not the wild west we have somewhere in the neighborhood of 1 million people in Pima County. This means that we would really appreciate it if you do drive while you are here please have a drivers license and insurance. We do seem to get a few accidents every year in which an unlicensed driver or one with a revoked license careens into another car and comes up with the same old story: "I thought that this was the wild west and anything goes, you really don't need a drivers license or insurance to drive here".

This goes with creative driving also. Right turns from the left hand turn bays are generally frowned upon. This also applies to left turns from the right hand lane. We really don't mind if you want to drive 25 miles per hour under the speed limit but please do so from the slow lane, you know the one on the right hand side of the road. Not the fast lane on the left side of the road. A lot of people who live here year round have things to do and places to be.

Please feel free to take hikes in our many local National parks; but, please know your limits and bring plenty of water and a cell phone when you go out. Also do not hike alone and by all means let some one know when you will be back. I just hate watching the helicopters circling the Santa Catalina's looking for a lost or injured hiker.

Please feel free to visit all our museums and take part in the pelortha of winter actives after all this is why you came here. So you would not be snowed in all winter; but please don't laugh at us when we start serving soup when the temperature drops below 100 or we are bundled in our winter clothes when it hits the 70's. After all you did decide to skip summer which is the best time of the year in Tucson.

Enjoy your visit to Tucson tell your friends about the great weather and people. Enjoy our plays, musicals and other forms entertainment while in Tucson.

Please remember that we expect you to be on good behavior. We try to be a very polite city so it is expected that you open doors for mothers with strollers or people in wheelchairs. Please remember to wear your sun screen, burns are no fun and take away from play time.

So enjoy your time in the sun and play nicely. By all means invite your families for a break from the snow.  The more the merrier.